flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
