someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
