nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
