Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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