don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
