please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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