k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
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