Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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