I think I am morally bankrupt
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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