he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
