and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish my penis had an off switch
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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