He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
