Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
