I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
