I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
