just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
