what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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