You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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