i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
