Buhtt sex?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
