Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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