It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
