i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize