Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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