I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
