I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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