If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
