He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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