just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
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