Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
from now on my penis is your penis
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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