It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
