don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
