Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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