Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
