I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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