i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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