after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I think my nap took me to another dimension
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
