The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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