i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Randomize
