i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize