just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
