Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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