You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am naked and annoyed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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