69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
