Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
