I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
