Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
