Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
