i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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