she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
