apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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