At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
two words: eviction party
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
