Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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