he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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