I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
