My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
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