we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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