I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
