yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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