so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
