you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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