puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
