our cab driver is having phone sex.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
