Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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