You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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