hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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