I wish I only lived at night.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize