It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
