he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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