They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
