Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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