Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
