Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
