do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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