and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
