nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
