I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
