he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Drake has all the answers
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
