She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
