We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
