dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
