I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I FOUND THE LEGS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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