I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
