they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize