My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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