i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
