I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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