accomplished twins. life is a go
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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