yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
