Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize