i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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