I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
